Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
