found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
