it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
