I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
