i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
