That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
