I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
