Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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