You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize