Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
