do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
