It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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