Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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