You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
