Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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