I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drake has all the answers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
