so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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