He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I look better un-naked...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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