Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
