Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's JV to your varsity
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just invented taco cereal.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
