fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
