yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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