guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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