Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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