I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
