i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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