I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no, he came in my armpit
Too much gin, very little bucket
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
