she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
