Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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