I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
