I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
