shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
