How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
