So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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