she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
