I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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