Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
