so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So vagazzling was a success
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
