I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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