I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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