thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
