quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
