Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
