i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
