I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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