new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize