it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
