my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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