I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
