i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
