Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
