I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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