Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
