Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize