As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
