What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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