Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
