it hurts more in the daytime
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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