first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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