You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
