If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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