I want to walk on stilts...naked
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My ass is underappreciated
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
