When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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