dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i came on her dog
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How's work?
Spinning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
