Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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