I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
