Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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