He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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