My liver just broke up with me...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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