So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize