Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
now i know why i became what i already was.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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