I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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