Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
