So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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