I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
