just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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