There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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