ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
