Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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