I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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