Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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