I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
