I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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