i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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