I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
