I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
