It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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