we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
