Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
