I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
