is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize