If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
