In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
