Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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