I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
