so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
