Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
