I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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