All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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