I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
