State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
