You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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