That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
