dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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