I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
