Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
