and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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