Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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