No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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