You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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