I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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