I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
